First of all, you have to be what you want your child to be.
A Dream of Red Mansions
I often hear comments criticizing my own "bear children" around me and on the Internet.
between the lines, either mourning his misfortune, or angry at his indisputable, but rarely see the parents' own self-reflection.
in fact, parents are a mirror of their children.
you have to be what you want your child to be.
the saying that "a dragon begets a dragon, a chicken begets a Phoenix, and a son born to a mouse can dig a hole" has been verified as early as hundreds of years ago in A Dream of Red Mansions.
this week's "read a Book a week" column will take you into this ancient book
A Dream of Red Mansions
I hope that through this history of the rise and fall of three generations of feudal families, you can get new inspiration after reading this article.
Children are not happy
you must have had a similar experience:
after a day's work, I was tired half to death, and when I got home, the child was still disobedient, so he always wanted to yell a few words.
there are times when parents lose control of their emotions, but that's not an excuse for hurting your children.
Aunt Zhao in A Dream of Red Mansions, Jia Zheng's concubine room, has a son and a daughter, and should have enjoyed a good status.
but her bad temper ruined not only herself, but also her child's life.
there is a plot in the book:
Jia Huan rolled the dice with several servant girls, but she was ready to cheat after losing the money. She was scolded by Baoyu who happened to be passing by, and went home full of grievances.
Aunt Zhao did not understand the whole context of the matter, and had no scruples about Jia Huan's emotions. she only thought that her son had been scolded as a disgrace, and came up with a sentence: where did the generation suffer?
after Jia Huan's explanation, not only did she not listen carefully, but she became even more angry:
"who told you to go to the high table, dirty and shameless thing! You can't be stubborn. It's no fun to ask you to beg! "
almost every time it is Aunt Zhao's turn to appear on the stage, she jumps with chickens and dogs.
under her poor way of education, Jia Huan became paranoid and melancholy, always feeling that others looked down on her and became more and more depraved.
not only framed Baoyu, causing him to be beaten, but also once overturned the wax lamp, trying to burn Baoyu's eyes.
it is no wonder that the Grand View Garden is full of talents, but only Jia Huan is described as "wretched behavior and poor manners", which can not be seen by everyone at all.
there is a saying: we spent our whole life waiting for an apology from our parents. Our parents spent our whole life waiting for a thank you from us, but we couldn't wait for it.
the deepest hurt often comes from the person closest to you.
when you treat your child with a bad temper, it will leave an indelible shadow in his young mind.
if you are grumpy, he will be irritable, and if you are irritable, he will be irritable.
he will think that a bad mood is just a means against the world, and if it goes on like this, he will be defeated by the sword of life sooner or later.
parents are too strong
Children will only be useless
the so-called depth of love and responsibility, many children have been endowed with ardent expectations since they were born in this world, eager to grow up and become adults overnight.
but most of the time, the parents are too strong and the children will only be useless.
take Jia Baoyu as an example. although he is smart by nature, whenever he sees his father Jia Zheng, it is like "a mouse sees a cat."
because Jia Zheng is always bluffing with his father's dignity, often reprimanding, beating and scolding.
once, father and son visited the garden together, and Baoyu wrote inscriptions for various courtyards one by one. It was clear that they were all good words full of spirit, and even the guests did not stop praising each other.
but Jia Zheng is not only stingy in praise, but full of sarcasm and sarcasm:
"ignorance", "karma", "animal", "fool", "full of nonsense" …... Such words emerge one after another.
the abusive abuse on his face made Baoyu dare to be submissive and dare not say a word beside him.
Jia Zheng always thought that reading was a serious thing, but Baoyu regarded the official career economy as dirt, and the will imposed on his father went in one ear and out the other. Not only did he not achieve the result of honoring his ancestors, but the relationship between father and son was extremely bad.
throughout the book, Baoyu never called his biological father "father", but full of "my lord"!
and Jia Rui, who is well known for his Fengyue Baojian, is not a family origin?
however, when he did not return all night, what he waited for was not care and comfort, but a day of scolding and kneeling, which also led to the tragedy of his early death.
as the American psychologist Taylor said:
"parents who ensure their children's success tend to teach failed children. And loving and caring parents, because they can tolerate their children's failures, can often enable their children to take another bright path. "
what a parent needs to do is never to blindly pour his will on his child, but to sit down seriously and listen to what is on his mind.
maybe in this way, you can find the answer you want.
the more protective parents are
the more miserable a child lives
A child is a blank canvas. At first, it is up to the parents to decide what kind of color he will show.
do the right thing, encourage, do the wrong thing, criticize. Both are indispensable.
Aunt Xue in A Dream of Red Mansions can be said to be a typical representative of "loving mother".
since her husband's death, she has been full of pity on her son, feeling that he "lost his father in childhood" and "has only one root", so she always indulges.
as soon as he appeared on the stage, Hsueh Pan-fu was "committing evil acts", robbing the girl Xianglian without saying anything, and instructing his servants to beat each other to death.
but what about Aunt Xue?
just lightly wrote a letter to relatives to clear up the lawsuit, and then ran away with Xue Xun and Baochai in the name of "going north to wait for relatives".
again, when Xue Xun flirted with Liu Xianglian and was beaten violently, Aunt Xue's reaction in the book:
"both distressed and resentful, he scolded Xue Kui and Liu Xianglian again, intending to tell Mrs. Wang to send someone to take Liu Xianglian."
even if it was her son's fault, she just reprimanded and scolded a few words, and wanted to find relatives to teach Liu Xianglian a lesson.
it is not too much to say that it is indiscriminate and blindly protect one's shortcomings.
Hsueh Kun, who grew up in this way of education, "was extravagant in temperament and arrogant in speech at the age of five." although he was born into a scholarly family, he knew only a few words and was sightseeing all day except fighting chickens and horses.
isn't this a tragedy caused by Aunt Xue?
on the other hand, her compatriot sister Mrs. Wang has never been reluctant to say a heavy word to her beloved son.
even though Baoyu joked with her servant girl Jin Kui while she took a nap, Mrs. Wang did not mention her son's fault. Instead, she slapped her in the face and kicked her out of Jia's mansion.
she always thinks in her heart that when a child does something wrong, it is always the fault of the people around her.
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when Jia Zheng was educating Baoyu, she even tried to stop him regardless of face, saying that "I wanted him to die on purpose" and "strangle him first".
how can such a mother raise a promising child?
in fact, what don't they know about education?
Aunt Xue learned from the bitter lesson that Baochai, who was educated, was born like a flower, and everyone in the house approved of it. Yuanchun and Jia Zhu, who were born by Mrs. Wang earlier, were also outstanding in the competition.
there are also many such parents in life, always holding their children in their hands for fear of falling, and holding them in their arms for fear of melting.
but do you remember that classic story?
in order to make the baby eagle learn to fly, the eagle had to push him off the cliff again and again.
if you are not willing to let go, the child will always hide in your shadow and will never find the opportunity to spread his wings.
what kind of parents
can you give your child the best education?
in fact, as early as the second episode of A Dream of Red Mansions, Leng Zixing made a comment on this declining family:
"the children and grandchildren of such a family of Zhong Ming and Ding Ding and calligraphy are not as good as one generation after another."
what kind of parents can give their children the best education?
here we have to mention a pair of absent characters in A Dream of Red Mansions: the parents of Xue Xuan and Baoqin.
Let's take a look at the people's evaluation of the two brothers and sisters in the Red House:
Xue Xun: "who knows that Sister Bao's own brother is like that? her uncle and brother describe his behavior differently."
Baoqin: "even her sister and these people are not as good as her."
A smart and handsome, a gentle aura, it is not too much to say that it is amazing.
the parents of the Xue brothers and sisters are wonderful people who travel all over the world. But they do not leave their young children alone in the house, as many traditional families do.
the way they choose is to take their children with them and lead by example to give the best education.
at a young age, Baoqin and Xue Xuan traveled through the four mountains and five mountains with their parents, went to the border business district, and even saw the poems of foreigners by chance.
read thousands of books and travel thousands of miles, so as to see the world, sentient beings and yourself.
it can be said to be commendable in that era when there were no two doors out of the door.
not only that, they never hide their appreciation and doting, but also guide their children to release their nature everywhere.
because of this, Baoqin is innocent but not arrogant and indulgent, brilliant but not arrogant. He can say and laugh if he wants to, and it has become the purest and unique existence in the Grand View Garden.
parents are open-minded, children are open-minded, parents are transparent, and children are transparent.
when doing this, it is difficult for children not to be successful.
write at the end
it is said that what kind of character you are, your child is your life.
because in the minds of children, parents are the center of the universe.
all your thoughts, feelings, actions and actions will be reflected in them.
it could be a fire, it could be thin ice, andIt could be flowers and warm sun.
so here, Uncle hopes that parents all over the world can become guides to their children, rather than obstacles to lead their children to a bright future.
Let him go, don't stop, don't look back.
chat with your uncle about the book you want to read in the message area.
or the story of your relationship with your child,
I will choose
10 book friends
send a copy of A Dream of Red Mansions,
May all the children
can live and love well.