Human feelings seem to meet for the first time, but there is no resentment in the end of old age.
writer Bi Shumin once said such a thing.
when she was at school, she took part in the school singing competition. One day, when she was practicing songs, the music teacher, who was the conductor, suddenly dropped her baton, jumped off the stage, tilted her ears, went to the team, and tilted her neck to listen to everyone sing.
finally, with a livid face, she stopped in front of Bi Shumin, and she hiked her waist and said, "
Bi Shumin, I always hear someone out of tune on the podium. I don't know who it is.
now I finally found it, so it's you! A rat shit spoiled a pot of soup! Now I've removed you from the list!
Bi Shumin was stunned by the sudden blow, so she bowed her head and moved out of the team, ashamed and embarrassed to walk out of the classroom.
later, the music teacher came to her again and said impatiently, how come you have grown so tall at a young age.
Bi Shumin could not help but bow her neck and collapse her waist. From then on, this posture ran through her entire adolescence and youth.
because he could not find a substitute temporarily, the music teacher asked Bi Shumin to stand in the competition team as a wooden man who only opened his mouth and said nothing. From then on, the battered little Bi Shumin was left with the problem that she could no longer sing.
many years later, Bi Shumin had forgotten the teacher's name and could understand her intentions and difficulties at that time, but she could not erase the painful memory left by the music teacher in her teenager's heart-the red scars were still burning smoke decades later.
some people may think that the author himself is too hypocritical, which student days did not live up to the teacher's precepts?
but they seem to ignore that corporal punishment is nothing more than bitter flesh, while the harm of language is engraved on the tip of your heart, which is enough to destroy your entire youth or even your whole life.
everyone must have heard "forget the harm he has done to you, and don't punish yourself for other people's mistakes" and "to let others go is to let yourself go." Such chicken soup;
but do you want to forgive a person who hurts the depths of his heart and even leaves indelible pain in his future life? easier said than done!
as said in the movie Manchester by the Sea,
not all mistakes can be forgiven, not all wounds can be healed, and there is always time and powerlessness.
Yes, once the heart is broken, it will always be broken.
do I have to forgive you when you apologize for your mistake?
since you can't get through, let it go. There is no rule that people must learn to forgive.
someone on Zhihu asked: what experiences can't you let go when you grow up?
I was impressed by the answer from a bosom friend below:
I did well in the college entrance examination that year, so I had no problem going to a university.
unexpectedly, on the last day of the batch cut-off in advance, my aunt strongly told my mother that free normal students were good, and my parents forced me to apply for free normal students in a normal university.
refusal is pale. Although I finally went to a free teacher, my four years of college life was confused and painful.
now when I come out to work, I can see the way to the end at a glance, and I have completely lost my motivation to move forward.
they don't care what I think at all. They don't know what kind of kid I am and they have to manipulate my life.
but I can only say: I can understand them, but I will not forgive them.
you see, even those relatives who are under the banner of "for your own good" can't cure the damage they bring to you in a lifetime.
if you choose to forgive, you choose to hide your grievances in your heart, and over time, others will take an inch and feel at ease.
and do not want to forgive, because there is a hurt in the heart, like a shell mixed with a stone, always clutching the meat, pain and can not be taken out.
sometimes, if you are not in it, you can't empathize with it.
anyone who has heard the story of the farmer and the snake knows that the farmer's kindness is finally exchanged for that fangs.
this is the case between people and snakes, and the same is true between people. Your kindness may not be the repentance of others, but aggravate the harm.
others slapped you in the face, but afterwards, "you still remember what happened for such a long time, everyone is joking."
Yes, the slap did not hit you in the face, of course you do not know what pain is, time will only precipitate memories, but will not reduce the pain.
some injuries really take a long time to heal, so long that others forget, but you still can't let go.
it is right to apologize for a mistake, but whether to forgive or not is another matter.
what if you return good for evil? How to return the good!
someone asked Cai Lan: is it better to have a vendetta or to forget?
Cai Lan replied: it is not too late for three years.
only I know, I can't let it go, because I'm not reconciled to it.
many people like to boast that they are knife mouth and bean curd heart, but they do not know that some people are knife mouth, but also knife heart, poking the heart fiercely.
the so-called past, but time is pushing you forward, people, there is no need to force themselves to be saints, since you can not forget, then remember.
Life is short, and the person who should not be aggrieved in this life is himself. Not entangling or forgetting is a person's greatest accomplishment to himself.
Yi Shu once said:
the best revenge is not hatred, but indifference from the bottom of your heart. Why bother to hate an irrelevant person?People.
I think so.
many people have a bad life because they always put others in front of them and hold a word hard for years, but they don't realize that the best thing to do is to ignore it.
to focus your healing time and resentful energy on changing yourself and making yourself better is the worst revenge on others.
at the beginning, Xu Zhimo and Lin Hui were so in love that Zhang Youyi had long been lost in their eyes.
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Zhang Youyi decided not to entangle any more. I gave birth to a child in Germany, studied German and went to college.
after returning to China, she worked as a German teacher and opened the first fashion store in Shanghai. Zhang Youyi, who left Xu Zhimo, became a popular queen.
in Xu Zhimo's eyes, Zhang Youyi is cowardly, ignorant, vulnerable, and has no feminine charm to speak of.
after the divorce, they ran into each other at a dinner. When everyone wondered if it would be awkward for them to meet, Zhang Youyi said faintly, "it doesn't matter, I don't mind."
I don't know if the wind and clouds are surging beneath the calm appearance of this sentence, and I'm not sure if Zhang Youyi has forgiven the man who forced her to have an abortion and divorce in the first place, but at least she made peace with herself.
as she said: "Life is always self-improvement."
what you should feel most distressed is the one who suddenly woke up in his sleep and burst into tears.
for those who start under the guise of "hurt makes you stronger", injury is injury, and without these injuries, I would be stronger.
forgive? I don't want any of them.
I like what Zhang Shaohan said in "complaining meeting" very much:
"I don't forgive people who hurt me, they just remind me not to be that kind of person. I would rather go against the current than go with the tide. Kindness is just a choice. "
compared to what other people say, "you'd better, can you." What you have in mind is more important, the focus of life should be yourself.
so, you can't forget or forgive those past injuries, and you don't have to be brave if you can't be magnanimous.
Human feelings are like meeting each other for the first time, but there is no resentment in old age.
the past cannot be remonstrated, and those who come can still be tracked. You should still look forward to your life.
May good and evil be rewarded in the end, and you have a heart of rivers and lakes to find a happy life.