May you treat others gently and reap a comfortable relationship.
there is a saying like this:
"the encounter between people is providence, but the separation between people is often man-made."
the most taboo thing about adult feelings is that they have no scruples when they think they have a good relationship.
all the long-lasting relationships in the world are nothing more than "treating others as yourself".
No matter when, you know how to care about each other's feelings, don't show off, don't ask, don't ask.
Don't show off
once read a story.
an entrepreneur went bankrupt because of poor management of the company, and his wife asked for a divorce.
an acquaintance learned that he had invited several mutual friends to dinner at home and wanted to comfort him.
friends who come to dinner all know what happens to entrepreneurs and deliberately avoid talking about career-related topics.
but one of the friends surnamed Wu made some money because his business was booming recently. after a few drinks, he couldn't help showing off his ability to make money, and his face was covered with pride.
the frustrated entrepreneur looked very ugly after hearing this. He used an excuse to go to the toilet and then used an excuse to wash his face. In the end, he couldn't stand it, drank a glass of wine and stormed the door.
in life, we always meet people who like to show off everywhere.
show off that you have good connections, show off the wealth you have, show off your achievements, and show off your knowledge.
but human nature is. Everyone wants to have a good life, but no one wants you to be better off than him.
your showing off is like a thorn, deeply rooted in other people's hearts.
Carnegie said, "know how to restrain your light and avoid stabbing others and making enemies."
only by keeping a low profile and humility and not showing off can we have good popularity.
No further questions
cartoonist Zhu Deyong has a cartoon called "everyone is sick", which says:
everyone in life moves forward more or less with some pain.
these injuries do not want to be touched or mentioned.
Don't ask what others don't want to reveal.
Last month, I went to my cousin's entrance dinner.
my cousin's academic performance has always been good, and his scores in the simulated exam in the third year of senior high school are all very stable, so he has a chance to be admitted to 985.
but unfortunately, although my cousin was admitted to a good university, he fell far short of psychological expectations.
at the entrance banquet, an aunt I didn't know very well kept asking my cousin's parents why they usually got good grades and screwed up at the critical moment.
my cousin's parents look embarrassed and obviously don't want to mention it. After all, it's a pity for them and a pain for their children.
but the aunt kept asking the reason, which upset the cousin's family.
everyone has a secret, a heavy past, do not want to be known, do not want to be questioned.
only care about their own curiosity, to open the scars of others, is indifferent, but also cruel.
as Shen Congwen wrote in Border Town:
"Don't dig into other people's past, it may be a memory you never want to touch."
if you understand people's joys and sorrows, others will naturally know that you are cold and warm, and your heart will naturally get closer and closer.
Li Rose, a psychologist at Stanford University, did an experiment:
Ross made a sign with an awkward sentence: "Welcome to the fool's restaurant."
then he randomly selected some college students, asked them if they were willing to walk around the campus with signs, and predicted whether other students would do so.
the results are interesting:
those students who are willing to do this think that other students will do the same.
those students who are unwilling to do so think that other students will certainly not do so either.
this phenomenon is called "false empathy bias" in behavior: we always overestimate the consistency between others and ourselves.
however, the reality is that everyone's growth environment and philosophy of life are different, and you can never force others to agree with you.
Media man Xu Dawei lived in the north and went to Guangdong after graduation. his first boss was an authentic Cantonese.
when Xu Dawei was on a business trip with his boss, he was miserable because of the dietary differences between the north and the south.
at lunchtime, the boss went to a Cantonese fast food restaurant and took the initiative to order two portions of salted fish and eggplant boiled rice.
Xu Dawei forcibly ate two mouthfuls and almost didn't spit it out, but the boss ate it with relish and asked him, why can't you get used to such a good food?
later, Xu Dawei had dinner with his boss several times, but he was still very miserable.
Xu Dawei eats the meat on the back of fish. The boss said that northerners really can't eat it, but fish head and brisket are delicious.
Xu Dawei eats chicken breast, but the boss says that northerners really can't eat it, and chicken breast breast is the most tasteless.
Xu Dawei said "rice" when eating staple food, but the boss said that in Guangdong, you only need to say "rice", not "rice"....
the most fatal thing is that Xu Dawei must like what the boss thinks is good, and if he doesn't like it, he has a problem.
in interpersonal communication, we often encounter this situation:
what you like is exactly what others hate, while what you hate is exactly what others like.
the greatest stupidity of a person is to force others to like what they like.Or contradict what you don't like.
there is a good saying:
"there is no clear distinction between black and white, black and white only exist in the eyes of different people. It is truly mature to understand and tolerate the differences. "
A mature person knows how to tolerate differences, a comfortable relationship, no need to please, and to insist on consistency.
the most comfortable relationship between people is harmony but difference and mutual respect.
Zhou Guoping said:
"if you feel extra relaxed and feel real lessons in getting along with others, I'm sure you must have met your own kind."
everyone has advantages and disadvantages, and all the relationships that are comfortable with each other may not be because you have met people of the same kind with similar souls.
but met the same kind of heart to heart and heart to maintain the relationship.
when you think one more step for the other person, the other person will bear one more point for you.
May you treat others gently and have a comfortable relationship.
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